POLARITY TEACHINGS THAT ACTUALLY WORK

Reflections on 11 Years of Loving Men

I need to begin by expressing gratitude for my feminine wisdom gurus Sufey (@sufeyc on IG), Martine (@martinedeluna), and Claire Nakti (@claire.nakti). Without them, I never would have met my Sovereign King or learned how to truly receive him. Their teachings helped me understand my own experiences in relationship to men, and I highly suggest following them if you want a much more in-depth exploration of polarity work.

These are three polarity teachings that I have received from others that resonated as truth to me, through my own integration and reflection.

1. Do not criticize, correct, or direct your man (IF you want him to be masculine).

   This one seems absolutely bonkers to the man lover who was socialized with the specific flavor of feminism that I inherited. Growing up, my parents insisted that I get good grades, go to college, and get a career so that I would, “never have to rely on a man.” This was drilled into me so deeply that when I met my husband, and he was eager to provide, I descended in a deep dark night of the soul. What value could I possibly have if I was not making money or building a career for myself? I stubbornly kept using my own money even though I had no consistent income. Knowing what I know now, I had won the lottery of finding a capable, successful, beneficent husband but I could not relax and enjoy the feminine, yin, role due to my own inherited ideas about what I should be doing. After all, in my last long term relationship, we split everything 50/50, and I watched my mom in the provider role all of my life.

   The ego death that was required to take place revealed to me the secret of why the 7th House of relationships in Astrology is the polar opposite to the 1st house of identity. You have to be willing to submit your ego again and again to be successful in monogamy and in a yin/yang dynamic, in which both partners spiritually expand and inspire each other.

   Long story short, I felt a lot of resistance when Sufey transmitted this information in her free class, “What Men Want.” But I decided to experiment and stopped advising or suggesting anything to my husband in regards to his choices. It was hard at first, but I experienced immediate ease and release of tension. Our sex life improved greatly, as well as our day-to-day interactions. What I realized is that even when I try to guide and direct him towards the things I think he should do, I cannot control him. If I was able to control him, his masculinity would be neutered and I would no longer be satisfied in our relationship (as the holder of a yoni, that gives the innate need to be penetrated by yang forces both physically and spiritually). Looking back, this pattern certainly played out with my exes, who I thought I wanted to control but subconsciously I wanted to submit (which played out in the strong desire of being sexually dominated, that I ultimately ventured into the world of polyamory to find).

   This type of surrender to the masculine is deeply forgotten in my family line and in most relationships today. Not only do women commonly hold an arrogance towards men (“men are dumb, right?”) and try to direct his very path in life and his day-to-day, it is common for them to share such criticisms in the company of others. I have observed this over many social dinners, and something never sat right to me about a woman revealing the flaws she finds in her man to a group of people (or vice versa, or without the gender binary). Why is this normalized? How is it that we deeply disrespect our men, their masculine power of choice, and then expect them to also be capable of satisfying us fully and exerting dominion in their worldly endeavors?

   It all connects to ancient, tantric, teachings. Directing and advising are yang behaviors. It is not wrong for women or anyone to adopt them to certain ends, but if you desire to be the yin receiver of provision and protection, to be fully penetrated, held, and satisfied by the masculine force, then it is not going to get you what you really want (which you may not even be consciously aware of).

   This wisdom can apply to non-binary or third gender folks, too, and is not bound to the current western gender binary. If you enjoy the masculine in anyone, this is one way to ensure you do not squelch it.

2. Yin Evokes Yang

   Though I have been fortunate to stumble upon brilliant #tradwife mothers on instagram, nothing has taught me more than becoming a mother myself. Children are the most energetically yin beings in a family. They are the most receptive, surrendered, and spacious. I found it fascinating to watch my daughter start to walk a week before her first birthday, and learn that most children walk around this time. The first birthday is the first solar return, so by succeeding in walking by this time the child is initiated into their uprightness and yang polarity to the earth. The sun is the ultimate yang, masculine, force in our human experience.

   In Claire Nakti’s teachings, she explains that women are lunar in nature and thus exhibit both yin and yang cyclically (the yoni being yin, receiving, and the breasts being yang, nourishing through breastfeeding). By experiencing such a yin being (a baby), a woman or parent becomes motivated to protect, nourish, and provide for their off spring. How does this apply to monogamous relationships?

   If you meet a man, and you are already filled by your own ideas, philosophies, career, and success, then there is no space for him to fill in an energetic sense. Martine de Luna, in one of her recent transmissions, relayed the story of what her grandmother said when she asked what her grandfather liked about her. She said, “my legs.” What Martine took from this is that a woman does not need a resume to attract a man (or a yin being does not need accolades to attract a yang being). The pure essence of a yin being is what inspires the masculine to give to it, like the pureness of a baby that attracts many to nourish and protect them.

   Contemplating this dynamic always reminds me of when my husband first asked me out. He said, “Can I take you out for breakfast, on me?” It would have been an entirely different invitation if he had left out the last part. By demonstrating his intention to provide the meal, he acknowledged the high value of my attention and having enough spaciousness to receive, I did so, gratefully. Shortly after this date, he expressed the desire to be monogamous with me (I was polyamorous at the time and dating multiple men). I felt conflicted, as I had incorporated polyamory into my identity but at the same time felt a very deep desire to be monogamous while baby making. Luckily, a trusted elder looked at my chart and advised me to submit to this new way of being. “He’s going to give you everything,” she said. This was very, very, good advice. I felt as though he had spiritually dominated me in a way that my ego hated but my yoni adored ;)

3. Vulnerability is not Disempowered

   Yes, men (and people) abuse power. I can understand why my parents feared the possibility that I could get “stuck” in an abusive relationship if I could not provide for myself. But reflecting on this now, why would I not have been able to find safety with them? My mother and father, although divorced by the time I was age 2, both provided for me fully in their own right. Actually, it was my father and I who were psychologically abused by his ex-wife during my childhood. The deepest wisdom I have found from that experience, now that I am a mother myself, is that I actually understand my ex-step-mom. She had a career and carried the burden of gestating, birthing, nursing, and trying to keep house. This was the unfortunate side effect of feminist “equality,” the expectation and pressure to do and succeed at absolutely everything. The result: extremely depleted, abandoned, mothers and parents who age and face health issues prematurely. You also get young girls, cast out of the house at 18, expected to perform and compete in a society completely created by men, who still truthfully need protection and provision in order to thrive. I look back at my escapades as a young women ages 18-25 and I thank God that I was protected. There were many, many, circumstances in which someone could have easily taken advantage of my vulnerability as a lone, young, girl.

   Sufey is an outlier in that her parents told her NOT to go to college, but instead to find a husband who would provide and have babies while she is young and healthy. Strangely enough, my instincts led me to the same path, only after an excruciating four years in college and trying to force myself into some kind of career. I was actually hospitalized for depression during this time. Eventually, I realized that I could not abandon my soul and expect to keep living. Every job I took, I was able to study astrology on my off times. My instincts, and my rebellious streak, ultimately pulled me away from work into a feminine way of being that aligned me with an incredible man who was capable of claiming me fully. Once we were married, he took over my phone bill and my car insurance from my dad, paid off my credit card debt, and has lovingly paid for all of our expenses since then (all without me asking). I have become a much better cook, and am coming into my own as a mother, homemaker, and creatrix. How dreadfully traditional ;)

I am not saying that these are the “correct” roles for men and women (and do not intend to exclude non-binary or third gender folks). I am sharing these discoveries for anyone who truly does desire to exist in peace with their inherent vulnerability and interdependence. Being a stay-at-home mom with no income is the last place I thought I would be. Yet, here I am, finding so much grace and wisdom by submitting to the Saturnian power of tradition. Perhaps the ancestors knew something? And only by following and trusting their ways are we able to receive the wisdom through firsthand experience. Perhaps there is a balance to be struck in the ways that we honor tradition and pave new ways to be.